I didn’t like today. Like a food that someone said I should like, I tasted it and found out it wasn’t for me. I read too much Facebook today, it seems. The story of the people who had been killed in Orlando was still fresh and Facebook was a buzzing hive of activity around it. Normally, I might have enjoyed the chance to join the buzz and voice my opinion on the matter. Not today. I did, a little bit. But I didn’t like it. Though the killings didn’t happen today, it was the same as if it happened right then in front of me. I wondered if any of the victims had read my previous blog entry before they were murdered. I knew that that was incredibly unlikely. Although my social network did reach into LGBT circles, I doubted that my personal blog could have stretched to those poor unfortunate people. I’m just not that popular or interesting, to be honest.
In my previous entry, I surmised that any of my readers could have died before I do, if there were enough readers. And each of those 50 people did in fact die, not knowing that going to a party and having fun with friends and meeting new people was going to be the last thing they would ever do. But every day is like that for each one of us. We never know if the current day will be our last.
I didn’t like today. Maybe today would be my last, too. I don’t know. It didn’t taste right. So, I took a nap. And with my condition, if you take a nap, you might not ever wake up. Today may be my last day. But it might be your last day, too. You’re probably not too concerned about it. So, I decided not to be too concerned about taking a nap. I felt like taking a nap, so I did. What’s the use in worrying about it?
After I woke up, I started to read Kafka on the Shore. I snacked on some red grapes while reading by myself in the van. They were sweet and snappy with a kind of satisfying firmness to the sweetness. And the day got better. I was transported to Japan where I spent a lovely day in a mysterious new place with new people. I forgot about what happened in Orlando, and the day tasted sweet, like what people told me it should have tasted. I grew a little bit more tired after reading. And even though I already took a nap, I decided it would be okay to take another one, even if it could be my last.
After I got up, I started to type upthis blog entry to record how I felt after reading the book. Now, though the day is sweeter, I am still a bit sad. I’m a bit sad to know that those 50 people will never be able to just take a nap and read Kafka on the Shore while snacking on red grapes. I know there could be a lot of politics that could go with that statement. And my former self may have brought up something else to go with it. But my current self refuses to believe they are really gone. They didn’t believe they would die that night and and thus they certainly are just waking up right now and opening up the book and entering the library in the book and snacking on red grapes in a van with a cool breeze coursing through the window. That is what I wish if wishes were being granted today. It shouldn’t be so unfair. When I beat the odds and others don’t. It shouldn’t be like this when I beat the odds and have another day. The extra day I get should be one I choose. I should get my wish for free. What do you think? I wish maybe that others could taste what today tastes like, too. Through this entry, maybe people can taste today a little bit. Both tastes. A little you don’t like, then, a little later, you like it. Like a neopolitan ice cream when you don’t like one or two of the flavors. It’s still overall pretty good.
Maybe tomorrow will taste better. Maybe it will be my last. I don’t know. I’m glad to have shared the taste of today with you. I hope you can taste many more, even if the taste doesn’t entirely agree with you.